Abstainers Vs. Moderators

“It was always the same- the temptation, the giving in, the promise of moderation, and then the slide into overindulgence.”

Gretchen Rubin, Better Than Before

Are you familiar with the work of Gretchen Rubin? She’s a habits and happiness researcher, writer, and podcaster, and her work focuses on learning more about yourself by categorizing your habits and using that information to reach your goals more easily. 

One of the most mind blowing distinctions for me was her classification of Abstainer vs Moderator. Abstainers are “all or nothing” types, and find it easier to just say no to a temptation always, without fail. By contrast, Moderators are people who are able to and do better when they indulge moderately. 

Learning about this distinction was HUGE for me, and one of the biggest reasons I was able to quit alcohol more than 3 years ago and never look back. I tried for SO LONG, as many people do, to moderate my drinking. I tried all these tricks and rules but the result was always the same, I just couldn’t stop at one glass. I didn’t always go crazy, but I always drank more than I intended to. In fact my last night of drinking was one of those, nothing crazy, but more than I wanted to. I had told myself I was just going out for one drink, and several hours later, I was making friends with strangers at the bar. I was so sick of not being able to trust myself to do the things that were truly so important to me, so the next day I decided to just say no forever.

As an abstainer, just saying no every time works for me because there is no decision making required, no wishy washy willpower. Trying to moderate just creates a draining internal struggle. “How much is too much”, “when can I do it again and still feel okay about it”, “if I only drink on special occasions, what defines a special occasion”… It goes on and on. As an abstainer, I made the decision not to do it ever again and now I never have to think about it.

If you are having trouble moderating, perhaps consider that you may be an Abstainer. Try going cold turkey on one of your bad habits to see how that works for you. If you tend to overindulge in habits like drinking alcohol, consuming social media, or spending with a credit card, giving these habits up could have HUGE positive impacts on your life.

You could plan a short trial period of abstaining from a habit, but I think it’s important to consider your mindset during this trial. The stories you tell yourself during this trial could totally change your results at the end. If you use this time to think about how your life could change for the better if you succeeded in giving up this habit for good, you’ll be more motivated to keep going at the end of the trial. But if you instead count down the days on the calendar, while telling yourself how excited you are to indulge in the bad habit at the end of the trial, you’re kind of missing the whole point. Try to focus on the benefits of changing the behavior rather than what you perceive you are giving up.

What is your experience with trying to moderate? Are you satisfied with just a little indulgence, or are you happier with nothing at all? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Hit reply and let me know! 

For further reading, check out Gretchen Rubin’s book, Better Than Before.